Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Rice, rice baby

The High Holidays have come and gone, and so has another anniversary. My fridge is fairly empty, and we’ve subsisted on take-out food for the past couple of days, rather than attack our very dirty kitchen (don’t judge; you know you do it too).
So we’ve a lot of leftover rice containers. And, strangely enough, milk. Ergo—it’s either rice cereal (ode to Mom) or rice pudding time. My heathen is craving comfort foods, so guess which one?

Apple Rice Pudding Brulee

Dice up a beautiful, unassuming innocent medium apple
It was asking for it with those cheeks hangin' out, mwahahahaha

Toss it in a medium sauce pan over medium-low heat, and combine
3- 3 ½ cups cooked rice (medium grain) or 2 take-out boxes of rice
3 cups milk (my favorite is Snowville Creamery’s skim milk)
2/3- 3/4cup sugar (depends on how sweet you want it)
2-3 Tbs of butter (depends on how much rice you used)

Cook for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Lower the heat when you notice a funky scum trying to emerge or if the milk is trying to scald. Trot off and play Bubble Witch Saga on Facebook. Remember that you have a steamy pot on the stove, curse that you lost your round, and run back into the kitchen to stir the pot and add
           ½ cup currants (or raisins, if you prefer)
1 tsp GOOD vanilla (I know I sound like Ina Garten here, but it’s important. I like using Caswell-Massey’s)
2 tsp cinnamon
This time, put the burner on it’s lowest setting and cook for another 15 minutes (or until everything is a steamy caldron of tasty soft goo and apples). Shake your head as your heathen tells you he doesn’t like rice pudding, and tell him that his noogies are tough (you like rice pudding). When the pot is done, take it off the burner, cover it and leave it alone for 5 minutes.
Thank you, Pantera, for being stuck in my head right now

Serve it up in your favorite bowls or ramekins with a hefty sprinkle of sugar on top. Tell you heathen to add more sugar, and don’t be stingy with it. Try to light your torch (what you don’t have a torch? Ugh, then you can put your ramekins in the broiler. But don’t do the bowls. They’ll shatter)
Curse at the torch as you burn yourself a little while brulee-ing the sugar. Using small circles with the flame on the sugar, working from one side to the other section by section. Move to a new section when the sugar is bubbly and lightly caramel colored.
Fire, fire! Hhhuhh, huuuhhh…

Sorry, I was having a moment. Tell you heathen to come back with the sugar he put away, and add more to your bowl, because you want a thicker crunchy crust on your bowl. Promise him that he’ll like this rice pudding. Watch him shrug, and take a bite and proclaim that this is not rice pudding. That rice pudding like this does not exist in the real world and can only taste this good in magic wifey-land. Smile, take the compliment and crack the yummy shell on your own happy, lovely bite.