It’s not Pronounced Kegel!

It’s December, and I’m reflecting on the past year. I’m needing to butter up my heathen so I can get awesome presents  for Hannukah (no ulterior motive here, move along, nothing to see).  So I’m making one of his favorite comfort foods

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbhofgsH1kM

Kick Ass Kugel

Get out a large pot and fill it with water and enough salt to make it taste like the ocean. Then boil

1 lb egg noodles ( I used whole wheat flat ones, but cheapo wide egg noodles work even better)

When they’re al dente, drain them and chuck it back in the pan for later. Search for your favorite bowl and notice you have neither cottage cheese or enough sour cream. And call your heathen at work to bring them when he comes home. Meanwhile, in a bowl combine

 

1 ½ c heavy cream

¾ c milk (any type, I used skim)

2 ½ tsp vanilla (you can use less, but I like vanilla)

1 half of 1 lemon zested (optional, but I’ve a leftover lemon from making Alton Brown’s smoked trout avocado sandwich today)

¾ cup turbinado sugar (cuz it’s yummy, and I have only a little bit taking up space in the pantry, you can use any sugar you like)

5 tbs melted butter

Curse under your breath as you search for the phone to call heathen a second time and ask him to buy eggs, because you only have 4 right now and need

5  large  eggs

Stick the bowl in the fridge, until you have the rest of the ingredients. Note to self: next time, make you you have the ingredients before you start making the blinking recipe. Put together the crunchy topping in a microwave safe bowl:

Melt 1 ½ Tbs butter in the microwave. Discover that it’s not melted after 20 seconds, and put it in for 10 more. Notice how much you really need to clean your microwave, ew.

Dump in:

1 Tbs cinnamon (you heard me, I know it’s more cinnamon than what’s traditional, but the next ingredient ain’t traditional either)

1 cup crushed corn flakes

Crush them in your hands, you’ll get a lovely heterogeneous texture. 

 

And it’s gratifying to say die! Die, little corn flakes!—oh wait, that’s just me. 

Toss around the idea of including

1 very thinly sliced medium apple

Decide you really don’t feel like cleaning the cutting board and omit it instead. Realize you told your heathen “Apple Kugel” on the phone. Oh well, Maybe next time. Set everything in the fridge and trot off to play Bubble With on Facebook. Get your

LAST EGG! (yay! Finally!)

And beat the mixture while you puree in the food processor

1 ½ c Cottage cheese (I use low fat, not that it matters in this recipe)

1 c  Sour cream (also low fat, yes, I realize the futility)

It doesn’t have to be perfect puree.  Actually my heathen likes it a little chunky. Dump in

½ cup your favorite raisins (I love sultanas)

 

This is what happens when you ask for help from the heathen. Poor raisin bag.

Cooked noodles from earlier

 

Slop! Wonderful slop!

And mix thoroughly. Pour the slop into a prepared 9”x13” baking pan, or your favorite casserole pan (it is a lot, use a big dish that’s really well greased)

 

Tasty looking, no?

and sprinkle with the cornflake mixture. 

 

Bake at 350 for at least 40 minutes (some days you need to bake longer to get the custard to set up correctly) Let cool for 10 minutes before cutting, elsewise you’ve no hope of getting it out of the pan in one piece. 

 

It’s even better cold for breakfast the next day.

 

Tired of Turkey

Okay, now that another round of holidays is come and gone, and now that I've had more turkey leftovers than I'd care to list. So I had plenty of take-out leftovers from house guests and desperation, so I thawed some fish.

Thank GAWD it's not turkey! Croquettes,

OR

How many times will she wash her hands this recipe?

In a baking dish(or cake pan, or hunk of aluminum foil) take 1-1 ½ lbs salmon filets (any type will do, I used Coho because that's what the heathen likes to eat), rub a bit of oilive oil on both sides and sprinkle it liberally with salt and pepper. Pop the whole thing in a 375 oven for twenty minutes to half an hour. Decide not to eat it that night and go out to Chinese instead.

The next day, take the fish you put in the fridge and chop it up into 1" square pieces. Throw it in a bowl. Wash hands. Dice veg.

      2  stalks celery

3 green onion stalks

and throw into bowl

½ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

2 eggs

1/3 c ap flour

1 takeout box of cooked white rice (about 2 cups)

1 Tbs creole seasoning (I use Tony Cacheres, because it was in the pantry, you're welcome to any type you like, or even just some Old Bay)

Mix by hand, or with a spoon, or whatever.

Wash hands. Heat ¼ inch cheaper olive oil (like TJ's or Bertolli, not your good expensive stuff like Moulin Mahjoub) in large skillet and heat it over a medium-high flame. Take palmful of the salmon mess and shape lightly into patty. 

Don't squish them, or manhandle them. 

These are delicate; be careful putting them into pan and use your splatter cover or lid as a shield against the evil back-splash. 

You're doing battle now. You against the oil; and the oil can and will win, if you don't watch that heat. After forming first batch, wash hands. 

Cook until golden brown on each side,

 

form second and third batches, washing hands in between each time. Stick your tongue out when the heathen asks you how many times you've washed your hands during this recipe, and get out some prepared horseradish for a sauce (Dijon mustard is good too) For the record, total: 5 hand washes, and 13 croquettes.